Impatience, My Old Friend

I call this blog leaning into the light everyday because I believe that’s the best orientation to be happy and useful.  But I can’t ignore those times when life feels dark or hard.  I have to pay attention to my character defects, and lately impatience has been running wild. Yesterday, for instance, I walked several paces ahead of the folks I was with--I just couldn’t slow down. Because every flaw has a hidden asset I can access when I’m in balance, today I got curious about what’s behind my impatience: passion.

For six weeks I’ve worked a new job, which I took to have more time to write. I’ve granted myself a transitional period of grace, bought a book about developing good habits, committed to a writing coach, and spent way too much time reading about this election. I haven’t yet done much work on the projects I want to complete.

This week’s rise of impatience shows me that even though it’s easier to sit back and be critical of everyone and everything, it’s time to turn my energies into creating.  When creative energies aren’t turned toward the light, they become destructive toward self and others.

Impatience, a form of violence, reveals an insistence on perfection from everyone, including myself, a huge hurdle for putting words on the page.  Everything I write must be beautiful, powerful, and transformative—immediately!! 

When I remember that the effect of the words is not up to me, I reclaim that energy to create. Making mistakes, risking being seen in all my flaws, trying something that might not work is scary but at some point feels better than stagnating, distracting myself, or deconstructing others. 

Today my invitation to lean into the light comes in the form of saying something true for me, at this moment, and releasing it into the world.