“Don’t surrender your loneliness too quickly. Let it cut more deep . . . /Something missing in my heart tonight/has
made my eyes so soft, my voice so tender/my need of God absolutely clear.”
Hafiz
How do you
know when you’re lonely? How do you soothe yourself when you feel lonely? How
might loneliness, which had a role in my addiction and now fuels numerous ways
of distracting and numbing myself, actually be a tool for developing spiritual
connections?
Loneliness
is like those little plastic bags that protect the newspaper, helpful for the
moment but useless for any other purpose.
Loneliness signals I need more connection to myself, others, or Source.
Often I don’t welcome that feeling, because I interpret it as meaning that I’m
a loser nobody wants to spend time with. Once I start down that path, it’s not
long before I question how I’m spending my day and if my life even matters. No
wonder I do about anything to avoid feeling lonesome.
Lonely in a Crowd
But I can also be
isolated surrounded by people when the conversation is shallow and I’m not
hearing or sharing anything real. Time with someone I want to be close to but feeling unseen may be the
loneliest.
Joyful Solitude
On the other
hand, when I’m spiritually connected being alone can be joyful. In solitude,
I’m curious, eager to explore, open to spontaneous ideas and welcoming of
feelings, memories, connections, and even emptiness. I’m never bored in
solitude, but when I’m lonely, I'm desperate to entertain myself.
I can move
from solitude to loneliness in an instant of self-pity or comparison. It
usually takes longer to move from loneliness to enjoying my own company. I do know that eating, shopping, smoking,
drinking, mindlessly consuming social media or other forms of entertainment
only keeps me isolated and postpones the move required for me to be happy and
helpful to others.
Oh, that I
could notice the edge of loneliness and welcome it into my heart as an
invitation to intimacy with spirit, my whole self, and others. Becoming familiar with
the beginnings of loneliness, being curious about that feeling and aware of
what is missing can be an important tool for recovery.
To Explore
What do you typically do when you are
at loose ends or bored, overwhelmed or not sure what to do next?
How do you feel when you’re lonely? When
or where are you most often lonely?
Who in your life do you feel least
lonely around?
What role does a higher power have in
feeling lonely or enjoying solitude?
With a partner, share two moments
from your life:
1) When you
were alone and loved it. What were you doing? What connection did you have to
nature, a higher power, or the best in you?
2) When you
felt most alone in the world. What did you do to not feel so alone? Was it
effective? What’s the healthiest thing you could have done? What prevented you
from doing that? How is that habit, belief, or tendency to isolate still
present in your life today?
