Thursday, June 20, 2019

Reluctant Beginner’s Mind


There’s a concept called “beginner’s mind” that asks you to start fresh with a topic, activity, relationship, or skill so that you are more open to possibilities. Beginners are more teachable than experts, typically, and certainly more open to instruction than know-it-alls.

I’ve been golfing for four years, a pittance compared to my husband’s 49 years, or the 30 years’ experience of one of the women I met this morning. While I’ve taken lessons and golfed a bit each of the past four summers, Minnesota’s season is brief, I don’t get out every single week, and I have a limited reservoir of athletic skill to draw upon.

Today I participated for the first time in a Ladies 9 Hole League, where I had to keep score, keep track of my pink ball, and carry my clubs. The whole experience would have gone better had I adapted beginner’s mind, laughed at my errors, and savored my success. 

My attitude today did not help me. I hate being the worst in a group. I’m unused to coming in last, not because I’m gifted but because I’ve engineered my life to avoid doing anything where I might not excel.  Disappointment in my performance only added to the pressure the next time I grabbed a club.  I forgot to get curious about my feelings and invite the inner critic to step aside so I could have a modicum of fun. More than once today I fought off tears of frustration and had to consciously re-routed shame and hopelessness into appreciation of sunshine and the kindness of my companions. Even the one hole where I made par I translated into a fluke rather than anything earned.

In theory, I’m grateful to be a new golfer because I believe it’s important to displace oneself regularly--to learn a new skill, to be the newcomer in a social setting, to follow rather than lead, or lead rather than follow.

Discomfort is often the launching pad for personal growth. The part of me that would rather already know than be in the midst of learning needs to step aside, as the curious, humble part comes out to play. I'm sure I'll get another opportunity soon.