Monday, February 17, 2014

Winter Light


Minnesotans are watching the winter Olympics more than any other state.  A cynic might say we have nothing else to do, but perhaps we like to see athletes at the top of those sports so many of us amateurs enjoy. Skiing, skating, snow shoeing and sledding help us inhabit our lives fully during this stretch of subzero weather.

What also sustains us through the winters is art, which is why having both the Minneapolis and the St. Paul orchestras locked out last year felt dark in many ways.  This past weekend Brian and I attended one of the first post-labor-dispute concerts of the Minnesota Orchestra. Sitting in renovated Orchestra Hall, chatting with the people next to us about the improvements, awaiting a concert after over a year’s silence, I felt very much part of this community. When the musicians walked on stage the audience was on its feet shouting cheers of welcome and delight.  

At some point in the lush music of Holst’s planets I felt my heart fill to overflowing with the beauty of the composition, the skill of the performers, the fluidity of the conductor, and the proximity of my husband, who took me to the orchestra early in our courtship.  And then I was aware of my mother, dead for 13 years, who was a classical music fan and had attended many performances of this orchestra with my grandfather.  I thanked her for teaching me to be open to this experience in the first place.

Our night out renewed my appreciation for live performance, whether of  classically trained musicians, high school Thespians, sixth grade basketball, or a children’s program at church. While most of us don’t play at an Olympic or orchestral level, to be fully human we must create.  When I attend a live performance, a ceremony, a celebration, or just go to work, I come away recharged and changed, simply because I’ve participated rather than consumed. When we come together to celebrate the best of human beings, we are warmed from within, whatever the season.  

Saturday, February 8, 2014

The Daily Work of Recovery


My sadness at the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman surprised me, and I have been reading every related column, article, and blog that crosses my path. Addiction is a professional interest as well; my work is teaching, writing, speaking and sharing a message that no matter how virulent an addiction becomes, there is a pathway back into the world that many of us are walking.  I don’t study addiction or the brain, but I do listen to stories of recovery and relapse daily. Here’s what I’ve witnessed of lifelong recovery from addiction and the all-too-frequent slips that occur for those working to stay clean and sober each day.

Addiction is a disease of the mind as well as of the body, so in order to recover we have to be consciously on that path every single day developing healthy habits.  The most common tale when someone relapses is they stopped attending meetings regularly, lost touch with a sponsor, and/or became too busy to be a sponsor because life was good and full again. After 20+ years in recovery, it’s easy for an alcoholic to forget she can’t drink like 90% of the population—socially, moderately, stopping when it is no longer fun.

Addicts and alcoholics whose disease is in remission gather regularly (weekly) to remember we can’t have even one drink, hit, joint.  We also need to be useful to those new to a life of recovery so that our hearts and our minds move in a healthy direction of service rather than scan every environment for the next fix, which, left alone, addictive minds will do.

Recovery doesn’t have a long shelf-life; we have to refresh it each day to get the reprieve from addiction promised by daily work along spiritual lines. Yet even with all that work, there is an element of grace that I can’t define or predict but can only appreciate and share. 

Today my heart cracks open with this loss of a talented public figure and the local loss of a young woman of promise who left us this week.  I hope that this heartbreak allows me to be filled with more compassion, greater tenderness, and a commitment stronger than ever to walk this well-lit path of freedom from addiction one more day.