I was recently on a four
day silent Buddhist meditation retreat. The schedule was daunting—the day started
with meditation at 5:30 am and ended at 9:30 pm and included sitting meditations,
walking meditations, a talk by the teacher, silent meals and an hour off to do
our chores. The first day, I found myself resisting everything. I was a
beginner and overwhelmed with
the schedule. Before every activity a voice in my head said “I don’t want to do this.” So I listened and silently replied “you don’t have to.” Because I didn’t fight with it, I could watch the resistance fade, and beneath the resistance was a seed of willingness. That was what I wanted to nurture.
the schedule. Before every activity a voice in my head said “I don’t want to do this.” So I listened and silently replied “you don’t have to.” Because I didn’t fight with it, I could watch the resistance fade, and beneath the resistance was a seed of willingness. That was what I wanted to nurture.
The next morning I decided
to embrace the day and to
intentionally be willing. Same rigorous schedule but my willingness brought a sweetness to everything—the meditations, the slow walks outside in fresh air, the community forming in silence, and my own vulnerable self. From that place of allowing, new insights and healing arose. It was a remarkable experience.
intentionally be willing. Same rigorous schedule but my willingness brought a sweetness to everything—the meditations, the slow walks outside in fresh air, the community forming in silence, and my own vulnerable self. From that place of allowing, new insights and healing arose. It was a remarkable experience.
Willingness is like a
light but instead of an on/off switch, there's a dimmer switch with no end to
its brightness. Some of us erroneously believe we aren’t willing if we
experience any resistance at all, and so confuse willingness with eagerness. To
move in a healthy direction we just need to be more willing than reluctant, to
lean in the right direction rather than be paralyzed with inertia.
The Step 3 essay in 12
Steps & 12 Traditions calls willingness the key in
the door. “Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness” (35). Nobody can pick the key up for us, however. That’s our main attitudinal work of daily life in recovery.
the door. “Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up the key of willingness” (35). Nobody can pick the key up for us, however. That’s our main attitudinal work of daily life in recovery.
·
Willingness is an
attitude, start your day
with it.
with it.
·
Willingness is a muscle--
the more you
notice where you’re already using it, the stronger it gets.
notice where you’re already using it, the stronger it gets.
·
Willingness is a
manifestation of grace, so
ask for it and you don’t have to know who or what you’re asking. The act of
asking is enough.
ask for it and you don’t have to know who or what you’re asking. The act of
asking is enough.
·
Willingness is a
choice—make it for yourself because you can do hard things.
Whenever I feel stuck, I
just need to inventory my level of willingness and pray for more.
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