At Arm's Length

I’m not really a horse person, but when I was at Ghost Ranch recently and spied a barn, I moved toward the horses in the pen. About ten feet away I stopped and waved. To my astonishment, two of them looked up and ran toward me, as if they knew me. Too timid to pet them, I took a photo, told them they were beautiful, and thanked them for being so friendly.

Later in the retreat,  we were asked to share something from our afternoon, and I described my experience, including my surprise that the horses were so eager to meet me.  And I wondered aloud if maybe I also assume people would rather not spend time with me, and so keep them at arm’s length through being too busy or too aloof.

Since that brief equine encounter, I’ve noticed how I buffer myself from rejection by not putting myself out there. For example, I didn’t offer any retreats where I work this year, even though I love creating and leading them, because I feared nobody would attend. Silly, I know, but powerful old beliefs that prevent me from fully experiencing the joy of relationships.

So here’s how I’m leaning into greater connection:

·         I’ve asked two friends to talk monthly about our creative endeavors, to set an intention for what’s next, and to support each other imagining it into existence.

·         I’ve invited my mother in law for a weekly supper so my sister in law gets a break and we spend more time with this sweet woman who won’t be around forever.

·         During a recent retreat I stayed in the common area and wrote in my journal rather than stay in my room, and another participant joined me and read . We sat in silent companionship.

·         I rearranged my schedule so my husband and I could enjoy an evening together after days apart.  This doesn’t sound like much, but in the past I would have hoped he would change his plans and then felt hurt when we didn’t get much time together.

Being in a new place on retreat--displacing myself from my routine—allowed me to see outmoded habits that actually prevent the very connections I so desire. It took horses to show me that there’s a world that welcomes me if I only signal by a wave that I’m interested and available.