Feeling Both/And Emotions
I’m in a big period of transition, and my history is to
focus on where I’m headed, be excited about it, stay positive. But the place I’m
leaving has been a wonderful scene—beautiful setting, healthy environment,
colleagues who have become trusted friends, impeccable supervisor and truly
fulfilling work. (You may wonder why I’d
leave and the story of how this came about is curious because I wasn’t
looking.)
What I’m attempting to do this week is inhabit the whole
spectrum of human emotion—the anticipation and the delight of something new,
the wistfulness of leaving a place that for eight years has helped me grow and
learn new skills in the safest environment I’ve ever worked. There’s a theory that workplaces mirror our families,
reflecting the complicated dynamics of our first relational system and so if we’re
not conscious, we can fall into habitual, outmoded roles. But when we choose to consciously evolve, we
mature and attract a family of responsible adults who take ownership for their
actions, analyze their motives, and together create something meaningful. This
particular group also has an ability to play together and bring out the best in
each other. The staff at Hazelden’s Dan Anderson Renewal Center is remarkable
and I’ve been blessed to be part of it.
Yet talk of family systems theory is not the way I’ll best
make my transition. I need to live these last days from my heart, to savor the views of the forest and lake as I
see it for a last time, to enjoy the guests clamoring for one last
conversation, the special feeling of
lecturing in Bigelow auditorium, delivering information and telling stories
that might bring someone hope. Mostly I’m tuned into the goodness of the people
I’ve worked with, crying smiling when they share what they appreciate about me,
crying when I tell them how important they have been to my daily life.
Even the happiest of transitions has a thread of loss, and
for once I want to notice it, tend to it, knowing it doesn’t diminish how
excited I am to be joining Hazelden St. Paul on Monday.
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