Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Retreat into April



I’ve just returned from the first of three retreats I’m attending this month.  It’s a bit of a busman’s holiday because I create and lead retreats for a living, yet not running the show is a treat. To be a participant, to follow instructions, to room with a stranger provide rest and a stretch, which is, of course, a key reason to go on retreat. Not being in charge of the schedule helps cultivate openness, wonder, curiosity and acceptance.

I also go on retreats because I crave more silence and open-ended time than I have in regular life. I suspect I could be quiet more frequently in the car, but I tend to listen to books and music and have regularly scheduled conversations on my Bluetooth in order to use my commuting time wisely. A retreat reminds me that silence is also a good use of my time. Retreats shift me from the need to be productive to the experience of simply being.

I go on retreat to be with emptiness. My default position is to schedule something every spare moment. I’ve been this way since high school when I joined every club, performed in nine plays, and had a part time job at the nursing home. I don’t see that tendency changing.   In a retreat context, the person I sit with at lunch surprises me with her friendship, the woman behind me becomes a spontaneous walking partner, and the little suitcase of clothing becomes enough.

I go on retreats because I’m willing to grow. I want to grow as a person, as a spiritual being, as a teacher, meditator, writer, student, friend and wife. I am willing to grow not because I’m broken and need to be fixed. I am willing to grow because that’s what humans do.  Some people grow their compassion and ability to love through connections to grandchildren. Others grow their intellect and sense of justice through advocacy and public service. I’m willing to grow along spiritual lines, which means sitting still with myself, my Higher Power, and others just as we are and embracing what that is today with kindness.

Saying yes to the invitations to go on retreat was the beginning of growth in April. I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.

1 comment:

  1. Yes JoAnn - silence/stillness is a good use of my time. If I think of time as a kind of currency, I begin to value and consider how to spend it. Thing is, unlike money, I don't know how much I have left - so it takes on even more importance as to how I'll spend the time I'm given - thanks again JoAnn, for sharing your experience with us >>

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