Claiming Progress versus Perfection

Perfectionism is such a part of me that I need to understand when it’s in the lead and then take actions to shift into the more sustainable path of claiming spiritual progress. So I came up with this set of criteria that tell me whether or not I’m living in the path of progress or seeking an impossible state of perfection.

Movement or Stalled Out

Progress feels like momentum.  I feel a sense of possibility, accomplishment perhaps, and even a sense that all is well. I’m eager for the day and look for evidence of progress.  When I’m living with a mindset of perfection, however, I have little momentum because my attention is on the gap between where I am currently and where I want to be. That gap can feel insurmountable and it’s pretty discouraging, thus little sense of momentum.

Humility or Humiliation

When I claim spiritual progress, ironically I’m not in my ego at all, but pretty humble about how anything got accomplished in the first place. I’ve had a part but it’s not all up to me. When I live in a perfectionistic mind frame, I’m often humiliated because I haven’t arrived at where I think I should be, or I’m boastful that I can do this why can’t you and thus judging others. There’s a heap of comparison that comes with perfection and often I’m humiliated because I haven’t measured up to I perceive are your accomplishments.

Hope or Despair

Hope accompanies spiritual progress because I’ve taken the time to see even subtle shifts and movement and therefore know change is possible, if incremental. When I’m looking through a lens of perfection, though, I feel despair that I’ll ever arrive and shortly after that I’m in self-pity, looking for a consolation prize of some sort. Despair is not a sustainable path in recovery.

Creative Solution or Forced Fix

What happens during a problem when I’m in the progress frame of mind is that a solution appears almost at once. It’s usually a pretty creative solution and I get a hit of energy just watching it appear. I’m excited to try it and delighted at how quickly challenges can be resolved. But when I’m in the perfectionist zone, then a problem needs a precise and difficult solution, something beyond what is available in the moment. I become paralyzed with the notion that I’ve got to solve this thing, don’t avail myself of others’ ideas or inspiration from the divine, and feel desperate to fix things myself. It leads to overwhelm.

Humor or Hiding

When I make a mistake and I’m used to claiming spiritual progress, I can laugh at myself, see it as a lesson, and sometimes shape it into a teaching for others. I write blogs about these mistakes and am eager to continue to learn. But when I’m in a perfectionist patch, which I’ve been in for a while, mistakes feel deadly and something I want to hide from others or blame on something or someone. It’s lonely making mistakes when I’m supposed to be perfect, and they tend to make me want to isolate even more.

To Serve or to Wait

Finally, when I’m in the vibe of spiritual progress, I’m eager to be of service. My life and my ideas are useful and I share easily at meetings, delight in others’ stories, listen and speak only when I have something necessary to say. When I’m in perfectionist zone, I either talk too much to demonstrate to others how spot-on my recovery is or I get very quiet and want to only serve when things get all perfected. I don’t write much because it’s not good enough, wise enough, or relevant for others. I tend to take the temperature of a room before speaking and second guess my impulse to share.

These are states of being I’ve noticed that can help me discern where I am at any given moment. The answer will affect what I do next, what I pray for, and how I ask for help from others.