Thursday, May 17, 2018

What’s Blooming in You? Thoughts on My Next Decade



It’s finally spring in Minneapolis and I’ve been thinking about what is blossoming in me right now. And what might I need to let go to make room for it?

On Turning Sixty
What’s being born in me is absolute delight at turning sixty in two months. I don’t often celebrate birthdays, but I’m giddy thinking about how I want to acknowledge this one. I am ready to claim the wisdom, confidence, and acceptance of others that might come with entering the age of the crone.  Although I haven’t completely identified what, I know that something needs to go, wither, perhaps even to die in me to more fully embrace this new decade. I know the zip code of the attitude but not yet the house number, let alone its fingerprint.

During my fifties, I’ve let go of needing to climb a career ladder and focused on working directly with people.  Because the corporate world honors those who manage employees more than those who work with clients, this has meant fewer titles, less pay, and way more daily satisfaction. Give me a 1:1 conversation with a 19 year old who doesn’t believe in God over a meeting about marketing any day.

Saying Goodbye to the Inner Critic
To more joyfully inhabit this next life chapter, I’ll need to release incessant self-judgment, the running commentary that tells me how put-together, thin (or not) I look, how smart, wise, or silly I sound. This inner critic takes the pulse of everyone’s assessment of me and measures my worth by numbers: how many read, like, or attend whatever I offer? It doesn’t help that in a recent yearly review when I asked how to move from good to excellent I was told that while the staff realize how valuable I am, all the clients need to recognize my worth as well in order to nail it.

In that case, excellence means winning over the 400+ people who are in the building each week at various stages of wanting what I teach. That may be an admirable goal, but it’s dangerous for a people-pleaser. Rather than work for universal acclaim, I think I’ll let go of wanting the excellent rating and concentrate on doing excellent work.

The Deepest Acceptance
Contentment gets born in the process of letting go of such scorekeeping, a practice of accepting who I am that goes beyond what I can re-arrange, such as my current wardrobe, body size, hair style, etc. Becoming at home with the way I write about what interests me, how I think about something and what I’m drawn to read, share and invite others to explore requires deeper acceptance. I can’t or won’t be like X (fill in the name of any famous author, 10-15 years younger, whose memoir is a best-seller.) And I have plenty to say.

When I let go of that comparison, savor who I am, and get my ideas out there because I love sharing rather than need a certain reaction, then what is now a young plant just blossoming will mature and bear fruit that can nourish me into old age.

No comments:

Post a Comment