Disciplined by Love

I’m reading Cynthia Bourgeault’s new book, The Heart of Centering Prayer, and although I’ve been a practitioner of centering prayer for years, I feel like a beginner again.  I know that’s a goal of meditation—to become so present that each moment is new--but there’s part of me that also says, “I’ve been doing it wrong for years.”

Bourgeault describes her own profound shift from thinking that the point of this meditative practice was to become empty for God’s presence to realizing that letting go of the current thought was “the main event.”  She writes, “thoughts were not the obstacle; they were the raw material, as every opportunity to practice releasing that focal point for attention deepened the reservoir of “free attention” within me and strengthened the signal of the homing beacon of my heart.”  At some point during her practice, “the strength of this signal becomes stronger than the attraction exerted by the thoughts.” 

It’s perfect timing to read this book that returns my attention to my heart and invites me to dwell there for twenty minutes, twice a day.  I’ve been on a food plan that I’ve followed for three weeks where the elimination of sugar and flour, again, I know, has brought joy and a more profound love for others than I’ve experienced in a while, if ever.  When I wrote about the waves of love I’m feeling in the online support community, a leader commented that’s a result of radically loving ourselves. I get that taking actions aligned with who I want to be is an act of self-love, but I hadn’t realized it also opens pathways for love to flow through.

I hadn’t thought of my sugar addiction as blocking the flow of love, although it made me cranky and irritable often enough, and while I’m not even close to the loving, kind, tolerant person I want to be all the time, I have felt real progress these last weeks.  I’m frequently ambushed by love for the client, sponsee, or directee talking to me, the group I’m sitting with, the stranger who looks me in the eye, and for my sweet husband.

It’s nice to recommit to a meditation practice that is grounded in this love,  and that invites me to become disciplined in this spiritual instrument, the heart.