Leaning into the Real

Spiritual Directors have a marvelous process called peer supervision, where we bring a moment when we weren’t at our best during spiritual direction to our peers, and they ask clarifying and deepening questions to help us learn how we got hooked by the spiritual directee. This is an ethical practice that keeps us humbly aware of when the ego may be asking questions rather than spirit.

Today  I had two wise spiritual directors who have been doing this work for decades hear my story, ask me questions, and hold me in their light.  The poet Mark Nepo has a line that describes this experience of being with people who provide “a soft and sturdy place where real things can land.” 

It’s almost magical the effect of such nonjudgmental regard/love.  I learned a lot of things about myself, including a pattern of being vulnerable in certain circles, such as with my spiritual direction peers or my recovery community, but less so in other settings, such as family gatherings or work.  Those distinctions seem reasonable based on history with people and professional boundaries, and yet what I’m learning is that I’d like to be my authentic self every time in every arena.

Is that always possible?  What gets in the way? And how do I notice my progress as well as where I fall short?

Tomorrow I’m asking my group what they’ve done recently that aligns with their values, which, for me, is the hallmark of a spiritual life.  When I answer, I’ll say that today  I shared something real and raw with people I trust, withholding nothing. And I’ve felt lighter all day as a consequence, which makes me more inclined to try this again, and again, until it becomes my only way through the world.