Honoring Intuition

 

My husband and I attended a gala the other night and bought two raffle tickets.  During the dinner, they called the winning number and, in a room of 600 people, it was one digit past ours. That caught my attention; there was a lesson for me here. My timing had been off all day--I got to the gym that  morning at 5:40 when it didn’t open until 6 am.  Had I pushed us to arrive at the raffle table just a tad too soon? There had to be meaning here—perhaps it was about forcing my way in the world.

It wasn’t until a couple days later that I recalled the full conversation as Brian got out his checkbook to purchase the tickets.  He suggested we buy more than two, but I’d said no, he didn’t need to give any more money to this organization.  He bought two tickets and sure enough, the next number won.  My husband has a different relationship with money and risk than I, and he’s more generous. Sometimes he doesn’t follow his gut instinct, but this was the first time I was aware that I discounted his intuition.  I asked why he didn't insist on buying more and he shrugged and replied that since it was my event, he would follow my lead.

What trumps our intuition is a question worth pondering always.  What trumps my partner’s intuition is a new question for me. In every moment I have a choice to expand or contract, spiritually.  I can say yes to a risk, be generous, listen more carefully, grow more patient or I can stick to habitual ways of being critical, ungenerous, self-absorbed, and hurried.  Those pathways have developed over a lifetime to keep me safe, yet unexamined, they block me from experiencing the synchronicities that make a day feel special and grace-filled.

One benefit of living with someone for years is learning to trust his expansiveness when I’m rigid and to support his intuitive hunches when I’m uninspired.  Although we didn’t win the raffle prize, if I learn to listen a bit better and say yes a little more frequently, I will have won an ease and freedom that’s priceless.