Playing in Life

I grew up in a family that played cards and board games; it was one time my sister and I had our parents’ undivided attention.  They preferred games of skill and never let us win, so my sister and I are pretty competitive, especially with each other.  Many times we play a quick round of the card game “Pounce” to dispel tensions.  I like to win and perform better in word games.  The cut-throat nature of Monopoly or Risk is not enjoyable, though it might be if I won.

Is it normal to enjoy a game more when winning, or is this evidence I have too much of my self-worth tied up in accomplishments? My preference to know rather than learn, to be good right from the start, means I’ve never even held a softball bat because I didn’t want to swing and miss. It’s also why the change in job has been so challenging— after three months I’m not as good as I was at the eight-year mark of the old job.  It took someone pointing this out for me to gain this perspective.

I love seriousness, intensity, and depth. I want every conversation to be transformational.   Yet life is often revealed sideways rather than head-on.  And I believe we learn best through joy. My mom was a kindergarten teacher who knew play was the best means of learning for five year olds, and maybe that’s true for adults in some area of life. Twenty-five years ago I took a series of workshops that were experiential, and to this day I remember the games, my teammates, the lessons, and how I showed up.

The idea of play for its own sake is new to me. I’m experimenting with golf.  After four summers I still don’t keep score. As a beginner, I can’t imagine how that would enhance my experience.

 I wonder where else in my life I could stop keeping score, lighten up, and enjoy playing?