The Last Clothes Swap

Last night I hosted my last clothes swap.  For 25 years, beginning in graduate school in Austin, I’ve invited women of all ages, styles and sizes to bring whatever is no longer working in their closets to my house. We sort through the items and organize them and then see what we’d like to try on and take home.  It’s a talkative, happy gathering and after a couple hours, I pack up what remains to bring to a charity.  I’ve done this in four cities for probably a couple hundred women, many of them faithful repeat attendees.

I’m letting this lovely tradition go because  I’m moving to a minimalist lifestyle, though my husband calls me a minimalist wannabe because I still have way too many clothes, books, shoes, coats, etc. My DNA is one of a gatherer and I love to shop, especially consignment stores, where the inventory is varied and unpredictable. Yet I’ve observed my inner addict often enough simply wanting to acquire for the sake of having. I've even noticed in winnowing my closet that the items I don’t love were purchased when I simply had to buy something.  The shopping addiction isn’t as virulent as others I have, and used clothing doesn’t break the bank, but I want to be governed not at all by compulsion and delight in my favorite sweaters I can easily find.

I’m also no longer going to host clothing swaps because I want to make room for a deeper connection with friends. As six of us sat around a table eating soup during a break last night,the conversation was easy and nourishing. This is what I really want. But would people come even without an “event”? For 25 years I’ve believed I have to give my guests something of value beyond my company, that nobody would come just to hang out and talk. I've been devaluing my presence, which is why I've needed to have more stuff to feel legitimate.

 I used to drink before I got to a party because I feared the awkwardness of chit chat before things got off the ground, lubricated liberally with alcohol.  Now, over a decade sober, I’m using activities for the same purpose.  We host fundraisers and pool parties, family holidays and meditation circles,  but rarely do we invite friends over to just hang out, eat, talk, laugh, connect.

To explore that experience, I have to let go of the old and trust that not only do I have enough, but I am enough.