Only Connect

 

Yesterday I passed an SUV with a painted tiger on its back tire cover and the words “Please do not get close.”  Years ago a friend painted on my back tire cover a picture of the globe with the words “Only Connect.” When asked what does that mean? in every single parking lot,  I’d tell these strangers it was my favorite phrase from E.M. Forster’s novel Howard’s End. What do you think it means? Over the years I’ve come to believe that every problem can be solved, every difficulty eased, by greater connection.

These two phrases sum up my choice every day: Will I seek connection or distance? Draw closer to those I love or keep them at arm’s length? Be curious or oblivious about whoever crosses my path? When I review my day before sleep, I can usually tell which choice has been dominant by how I feel.  When I’ve connected I feel loved and loving. When I’ve signaled “please do not get close” I feel empty and alone.

I wish I always made the choice to connect, but I don’t.  Inattention, stress or fatigue keep people away.  Sometimes I tell my higher power not to get close by keeping busy, distracted, and noisy inside. Something that diminishes connection with others is my desire for perfection. Tonight, as I prepare to host dinner for a dozen, I intend to connect with each one by listening with delight rather than with one eye on the oven.   When I’m the hostess that’s a challenge. So I cancelled something I’d planned to do earlier and am giving myself the kind of day that will prepare my heart to be a welcoming world that says—Come closer. I’m so glad you’re here. 

Perhaps the loneliest days are those I keep myself at a distance by going through the motions of obligations or duties rather than pausing to listen to what will surprise and delight me.  This past week I went to the Walker Art Center on the spur of the moment.  That lovely art date made the March afternoon brighter, and I felt connected to the artist, the others viewing the exhibit, and had an interesting exchange with one of the guards. Saying yes to that inspiration, taking the time to act on intuition, actually strengthens my spirit, which in turn, invites me to come closer. Yes, that’s the direction I want to go.