Ingredients for a Sweet Life without Sugar

I’ve recently stopped eating sugar, again, because I like who I am when I don’t have sugar in my system and I’m not capable of occasionally just having a little. Sugar-free, I’m more patient, joyful, and kind, the person I really want to be. However, I’ve tried this many times since 1989, so I have to reframe “giving up” sugar into leaning into something better. How might I make every part of my day sweeter, which is what I wanted all along when I ate that third ice cream bar anyway, a sweet life.

1.       Wake up eager for the day. Be curious about who will cross my path. See everything as an opportunity to connect, all good, all the time. There are plenty of highlights to be had beyond food.

2.       Savor the food I prepare. Be it little or much, simple or complex, put it on a beautiful dish, clear the area, use a real napkin and enjoy.

3.       Move intentionally, stretch fully, breathe deeply, enjoy the emptiness, the fullness, flexibility or new awareness of some change. Celebrate my body's health and functionality rather than focus on appearance.

4.       Greet people with delight, true delight. Kick up my energy a notch, look them in the eye, stop moving when I greet them and really see them. Hug them if they’re open to that. Connection is food for the soul.

5.       Leave silence between words, activities, locations. Inhabiting a silence fully will help me transition seamlessly from one thing to another because I will be aware. Transitions are toughest when I’m not really there and I often used food to transition.

6.       Look at the sky, absorb sunshine, drink in natural beauty, appreciate architecture, look for some beauty in every scene to appreciate and the whole world brightens. These are the true treats of life.

7.       Act on a good idea as soon as possible. Trust the inspiration and take action, which widens the channel to perceive even more. Keeping forward momentum for a purpose makes eating a source of fuel rather than entertainment.

8.       Thank people for who they are, show them I appreciate them with a smile, light touch, laugh and encouragement. Coming from the best in me to the best in them is the tuneup I need.

9.       Give advice only when asked and only when it’s necessary (and most times it’s not needed for everyone has her own guidance).  I’ll be less tempted to give advice the more I’m following my own guidance.

10.   Take time each night to enjoy having a bed, sheets and a great mate.  Savor the times my heart was filled that day. That's a true dessert.

12 Steps to Joyful Connection

12 Steps to Joyful Connection

1.      Don’t doubt the presence of the holy (guides, angels, teachers, higher power, God).

2.      Be wide open to what you will receive, no expectations or fears, no preconceived ideas or concerns.

3.       Be willing to be changed by the information. Knowing and not knowing are equally glorious states—enjoy it all.

4.      Be totally honest in your questions, your hurts, your desires, dreams and longings. Without that level of honesty with yourself, there is nowhere for us to land.

5.      Hold nothing back from us. Just because we already know doesn’t mean we can act on it without your revelation and request. Share it all with us, not just what you think we want to see.

6.      Love all of yourself, the good, the bad. Laugh at your mistakes and give up on perfection. You can’t do this wrong and stretching is how we all grow.

7.      Let us help you when things get hard.

8.      Stop worrying about past mistakes. People were hurt because that’s how they interpreted things. You were hurt because of your story and interpretation. Shift internally and it all goes away.

9.      Love the people in front of you, strangers in cars, the lover in your bed, the sister on the phone, the friend obsessed with his pain. Love them all and you will mend and heal all wounds.

10.  Be totally present. This is the only moment, so hold it gently and savor.

11.  Open to us often. We are always available, accessible and eager. Do not turn to us for answers only, but affirmation, assurance, and the pleasure of our company would be nice sometimes.

12.  Love and live fully. Be helpful and enjoy. Take care of your heart and your true desires will always be helpful to others. Share what you know now without waiting for it to be perfect, really.

Signs of Alignment

What adds to the delicious state of being aligned in body, mind and spirit? Seeing a confirming sign that that’s the case.  I still love catching a digital clock at 11:11.

After scratching my car two weeks ago, I’ve been more attentive to lining up spiritually before I take action.  I’m following Christina Baldwin’s advice to “move at the pace of guidance.”  For me, that requires more silence and more space in my schedule.

Last week I was working out of state, had fewer responsibilities with more time between them, and the opportunity to develop trust in Siri, my GPS system. The whole week felt magical and not just because I was near the ocean in bright sunshine.

One of the little signs that confirmed I was moving at the right speed came in a co-op gallery in Santa Monica. I was drawn to a glazed blue bowl because I’d been wanting a new bowl for cereal. When I turned the bowl over to see the price, I laughed.  The sticker had the price, which was reasonable, and JoAnn, the artist’s name.  I bought the bowl.

Another sign confirming my choices was at a meeting I attended. I had many options and randomly selected one. I arrived a few minutes early and introduced myself to the person next to me. He said “I know you. Don’t you work at Hazelden?” and there I was, thousands of miles from home, with a new friend.

These small indications might mean nothing to another person. To me, they confirmed that the time I’d devoted to getting centered and attending to my inner knowing was in right proportion for the day. And while I know I’ll be out of balance again--grouchy, critical, impatient, dissatisfied—knowing I can come back into alignment makes those times interesting rather than frightening.  

A Chance to Wake Up

The other day I backed out of my garage and down the driveway, as I have several thousand times, only to scrape the stone wall that runs alongside.  The rear panel of my car looks like a bear took a swipe, and the length of the scratches indicates I didn’t notice right away. That’s because my attention was on a cd of  a conversation between two writers, and I was trying to figure out who was speaking.  The topic of their conversation:  mindfulness.  Ah, the irony.

I get little nudges and lessons in the most obvious ways.  Or maybe it’s that I finally pay attention when the point is so obvious.  It’s not enough to read about mindfulness. Apparently, I have to be mindful every waking minute.

There’s a line in the Big Book “The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.”  It’s so tempting to talk a good game and live on autopilot, especially with activities I do often and with people I know well. In terms of my colleagues and my husband, I need to see them anew every day, share what I appreciate,  and be really present to who they are today.

The lessons for long-term recovery are also clear.  I can’t just go to meetings, call a sponsor, complete daily spiritual practices as if checking them off a list.  I don’t have the luxury to become complacent or do sobriety half-way. I have a daily reprieve “contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition,” and that requires daily nourishment, which I receive only when fully present.

Each day I have an invitation to wake up another degree. Let’s hope I don’t need to be scraped to experience that today.

May you find the joy that is yours today

I haven’t written a blog in a long time. I seem to think that something magical or amazing has to happen to be worth reading.  So instead of combing my days for that, I’ve been busy preparing to teach a graduate course for the first time in 19 years. 

When I found the following in a journal entry from April, I realized that I've already given myself the blessing I need today.

May you find the joy that is yours today,

wear it easily,

claim it often,

hold it gently,

share it readily.

May you see the tendrils of the past as

kindling for the flames of

your heart’s desires,

so that the ghosts of longing

do not haunt

but serve as guides to what you

desire and so richly deserve

today.

Lessons from a Fox

Every morning I draw a word to meditate on all day.  Yesterday it was “fearlessness,” a prescient commentary on the morning to come.  Brian had tethered Harry, our 16 year old Westie, outside and left him to do his business.  Ten minutes later I sat drinking tea at the counter and for no apparent reason went to look out the window.  I saw Harry and seven feet away crouched a fox, one we’d seen trotting around the neighborhood earlier in the week.

Immediately I ran out the door towards the two creatures, screaming to Brian “the fox, the fox.” The fox moved off and Harry waddled toward me, oblivious to his near demise.  When my heart rate slowed, I realized that while I was scared about Harry, I was fearless for myself. Did my love for this dog eclipse fear? Perhaps, but I think there’s more to it than a simple love/fear matrix of emotion.

Though bold, the fox is wild, and therefore more predictable than a domesticated animal accustomed to people.  I would have been afraid had it been the neighbor’s Boxer in our yard, for that dog regularly charges me, stirring up my old fear of dogs.

But wild creatures seem to have a set of rules for violence. Even though this might be a mother fox needing food for her young, she ran rather than attacked me. This has been my, albeit limited, experience with wild creatures. For example, I left work one day this winter through a back door and found a half dozen deer within a few feet.  When one turned to approach me, I got scared and fumbled for my key before remembering these are wild and gentle creatures. I clapped my hands and they dispersed.

There’s a prayer in the Big Book for Step 4, where we list resentments for those who have harmed us throughout our lives. That prayer rests on the assumption that anyone who has hurt us is “spiritually sick,” and says God, please help me show x “the same tolerance, pity and patience I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.” In order to move on, we need a new perspective, and this prayer enlarges our view so that the old story loosens just enough to be healed.  I can't change the past, I can't change another, but I can grow more loving, open, and awake, which changes everything.

The only route to fearlessness I know is to trust a larger goodness in people and the world. Any malevolence stems from spiritual sickness or imbalance, which only love, tolerance, kindness and pity can restore.  That fox was doing what it does.  We’re the ones who will no longer leave our old dog unattended and tethered as if it were bait. With a shout, a clap, or a new perspective, the balance of life can be restored.

Savoring Routine

I spent last weekend at my cabin with two dear friends and a dog.  A woman I’ve known for 25 years flew in from out of state, a visit we’d been anticipating for months.  The three of us walked, talked, meditated, wrote, read, cooked, gazed at the lake, and played yahtzee. It was a wonderfully renewing time.

What occurred to me today is that just as this long-awaited event was now over, so too would all the other trips and major events I have planned this year.  Each one will have a morning after when I reflect on what’s happened. Every eagerly anticipated gathering, every dreaded event, each routine appointment comes to an end.

This isn’t earth shattering news, I know, but somehow today it struck me how poignant our lives are, how quickly time moves as I get older, and how important to savor whatever is before me, no matter how routine or grand. If I pay attention, I end up with moments:  a rescue dog’s growing confidence walking on bare floors, the easy way three women put together meals and clean up, the sparkle of clarity that comes from being listened to deeply.  What moments today will I keep?