I’ve recently been told that my affect is flat and my energy
is grey. Since this feedback came from two women I love and trust, I’m taking
it seriously. Other indications that
something is off include a difficult situation with someone I love, more
challenges at work, and snafus with money that are unusual for me.
These are all signals that I need to surrender--to what I'm not sure--but since I’m leading a retreat on “letting go absolutely” in three
weeks, I’m curious about how to be with this discomfort without running to
shopping and sugar for a quick escape.
I don’t have to know
Although I’m not sure what kind of help I need, I do know
that it’s time to ask--others, the universe, and my own inner guidance. I don’t
have to know what form the help will take, or how it will work, or even why I’m
in this present situation. Just the act of asking for help releases the problem and opens me to a solution.
Answers are
everywhere
So this morning I sat by a wise man I don’t know well at a
meeting and asked him how he cultivates joy.
He looked at me for a beat and then answered that he does it in little
ways all day long—having meaningful conversations, spending time outside, being
present to changes without needing to control them.
In order to feel more connected to others, I spoke at this meeting without knowing exactly what I would say or if it
would be helpful or wise. Yesterday I started therapy with a counselor I
liked who seemed safe. Today I’m inviting Spirit to show me what
to read, who to hang out with, and how to be.
Images of golfing and gardening came as ways to
play and to create, states I'd like to experience more.
Befriending Silence
I’m pretty sure silence is the way through this flat, grey
period: sit still, plan nothing, stop consuming something every waking minute, be
observant and curious. Taking a baby step in the direction of what brings my
heart peace rather than finding the best bargain or eating copious amounts of
sugar is the truest route to a sweet life.
